Imagine standing at a crossroads, faced with a decision: to react impulsively, deviating from your core values and integrity, or to choose the other hard path of emotional regulation and mindfulness, staying true to yourself even amid chaos. Did you just read that right?
Yes, you did. However, truly, the only thing we have control over is the way that we think and the way that we respond, nothing else. This can be hard sometimes, a lot of the time. By way of example, who here has typed out a long, witty, spot-on (in our mind) text reply with full-fledged emotions baked into it and then found themselves at a crossroads whether to send it or not? Of course, you pick path A and you send it. Why? Because it's really hard not to.
Because every fiber in your body and your mind in that moment of fight or flight is telling you that have to and you are justified (in your mind anyway) to respond in all your glory because you are making a point and it must be heard! And then you send it and you immediately feel like you have won the race and are immediately back on top, right??......
WRONG. You have no control over anyone else's thoughts, actions, the way that they treat you, or the way they respond. You only have control over you. If you are like me, most times these types of reactivity make me feel icky and shameful. Then that becomes harder.
Chances are even though you felt justified, you fractured a connection that was already disconnected. Chances are that the message actually did not accomplish the job it was intended to and may not even meet the person you sent it to for hours. Your emotional needs were not met and you are left with an element of hardness that pulls you away from your integrity. Choosing the correct (likely also HARD) path here will ultimately have you holding your shoulders a little bit higher.
In our latest episode, we work through what everyday chaos looks like and how to navigate it as best as you can. We quote Glennon Doyle a lot when we say "We can do Hard Things" but we want to add our spin on that to share, we can also CHOOSE which hard we are going to take on by embracing life's complexities through emotional regulation and mindfulness.
Here's a summary of our key insights and some tactical tips for navigating chaos:
Embrace Emotional Regulation: Instead of reacting impulsively to chaos, practice emotional regulation. This means acknowledging your emotions without judgment and choosing how to respond thoughtfully.
Identify Triggers: Recognize what triggers your emotional responses.
Practice Mindfulness: Stay present and aware of your emotions without letting them control you.
Breathing Exercises: Use deep breathing to calm your mind and body during moments of chaos.
Create a Pause: Before reacting, pause and consider the best course of action. The power of a pause can't be understated!
Choose Mindfulness Over Reactivity: Reactivity often leads to impulsive decisions. I'm a recovering impulsive goddess, so I can firmly be your subject matter expert here and here to tell you to get yourself a mindfulness practice.
Calling myself out on my shit: The minute I notice I am back in a toxic cycle like picking up my phone and scrolling social media the second I open my eyes, I actively try to recenter my integrity and come up with a plan (see bullet 3).
Stay Grounded: Focus on the present moment to avoid getting overwhelmed by future uncertainties. Try to make a list stating what is real versus what are we making up in our head.
Practice Gratitude: Find something positive in every situation to shift your perspective. Use reframes as much as possible so you don't fall victim to toxic positivity.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist to gain perspective and support.
Action Plan for Getting Back on Track: If you find yourself reacting impulsively, here's an action plan to regain control:
Pause and Reflect: Stop what you're doing and take a few deep breaths. BOXED breathing is my jam! I also keep a bottle of lavender lotion in my bag to use on my hands to recenter with the smell every time I feel in my body that I am starting to spiral.
Identify Triggers: Understand what triggered your reaction. Understand people, places, and things and identify where you are more triggered than not.
Evaluate Options: Consider alternative responses and choose the most effective one. You have the right to stand firmly in your pause, whether it's ending a meeting early to collect yourself, walking to another room so you don't say what is on the tip of your tongue, or any of the techniques we know and love that recenter us.
Learn and Adapt: Reflect on the experience and use it as a learning opportunity for future situations. Do not beat yourself up, do not stay in shame. You are moving forward my friend.
Choosing emotional regulation and mindfulness over-reactivity and impulsivity will win every time. Giving yourself grace when you don't successfully navigate life's chaos will happen but the more you practice moving centering yourself in your values, the more the beauty of chaos will present itself to you.So next time you are crafting that uber-sophisticated, snap back, give yourself the tea text message response, that you feel validated in sending because you aren't thinking mindfully, and let those 3 little dots (we've all seen these 3 dots lingering) keep showing on the other end and slowly let them disappear. This hard is still hard, but it allows you to find beauty in challenges and grow into your truest, most fulfilling self.
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