It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t need to fit into a box. In fact, as I am sitting here writing this article, I philosophically know that I don’t, but I don’t feel it in my body as firmly as I should. I am going to write this from a perspective of a female, who is both a high performer at work and at home, although I imagine much of this can be true for men and our non-binary peeps as well. This is a lesson that I have had to teach myself more times than I would like to admit, and one that I just might have to settle with knowing it’s going to bite me in the butt every now and then!
Last year I started writing a book with my neurodivergent son. The book at that time was purely a tool to connect with him. He was having a hard time applying what he was learning in therapy to the real world. For him to practice empathy, he had to do it through the 3rd person. Writing in the third person allows individuals to distance themselves from their thoughts and feelings, which can make it easier to analyze situations objectively. This perspective shift can be particularly helpful for those with conditions like autism or ADHD, who may struggle with emotional regulation or perspective-taking.
This tactic was a brilliant trick that I picked up along the way as I sat with him at bedtime. He tells me the most beautiful stories and I can interject things going on with him that were relevant, and he could respond in this way because otherwise when asked head on it is very difficult to speak about yourself or to directly address someone's question, his mind is always looking for a very specific response, and creativity takes a back seat.
Not that this is a piece on neurodivergent people, but little nugget if you are one, did you know writing in the 3rd person can be truly cathartic? I have found 3rd person writing can help in a myriad of ways:
Reframing your Perspective: Writing in the third person allows individuals to distance themselves from their thoughts and feelings, which can make it easier to analyze situations objectively. This perspective shift can be particularly helpful for those with conditions like autism or ADHD, who may struggle with emotional regulation or perspective-taking.
Getting your messy thoughts organized: Third-person writing can help neurodivergent individuals organize their thoughts more clearly. It provides a structured framework that can make writing tasks, such as storytelling or expressing complex ideas, more manageable.
Reduced Sensory Overload: For some neurodivergent individuals, writing in the third person can reduce sensory overload by creating a more predictable and structured way to communicate. This can be especially beneficial for those with sensory processing disorders.
Social Communication: Third-person writing can help neurodivergent individuals navigate social communication by providing a more formal and detached way to express themselves. This can be useful for those with conditions like autism, who may struggle with social nuances.
Self-Reflection: Writing in the third person can promote self-reflection and self-awareness. It can help individuals understand their own thoughts and behaviors from an outside perspective, leading to greater insights and personal growth.
Alright, let's circle back to the notion of fitting into boxes. As I started to share with others my process of writing this book, it began to gain traction in the consumer sphere. Casual mentions sparked interest, with people eagerly expressing their anticipation to read it and even recommending publishers. This momentum led me to network with publishers, exploring the potential for publication. Recently, I even had the opportunity to meet with a publisher to submit a proposal. And just like that, the book took on a life of its own. Long story short, I was spending too much time no social media and comparing myself to others in my sphere and witnessing their journeys of writing books and getting published that I started to prep my journey to the box.
And then…I put myself in a box!
In the journey of writing this book, it unexpectedly morphed into a potential consumer product, fueled by the interest and anticipation of others. Networking with publishers and crafting proposals shifted the focus from a personal tool for connecting life lessons with my son to a commodity destined for the shelves. It became a venture feeding my ego, with the looming prospect of real financial investment, blurring the initial intention of its creation.
I was creating this book to connect with my son. I was not creating this book to share with the world, and I started to lose the clarity of its mission. It became about me, and publishing the book. It was no longer about connecting with him. Also, did I mention that this year is the year of focusing on humility?
It's a subtle dance, yet one that's all too common in our society. The allure of fitting into a predetermined box, driven by the desire for acceptance, validation, and success, can slowly lead us astray from our authentic selves. The fear of rejection and the pressure to conform to societal norms can make it all too easy to lose sight of our true essence. Yet, beneath the surface, lies the quiet rebellion of the human spirit, reminding us that we are more than the sum of society's expectations. It's a delicate balance, navigating between the comfort of conformity and the freedom of self-expression, but it's a dance worth mastering for the sake of our own authenticity and fulfillment. So, if you are like me, a female juggling many balls in the air and trying to feel points of joy everyday… here are a few tricks and tips to keep you out of the box!
Self-Reflection and Awareness: Take time each day, even if it's just a few minutes, to reflect on your day and how you feel about the choices you've made. Consider journaling to track your thoughts and emotions, helping you become more aware of any patterns or behaviors that may not align with your authentic self and for me right now it’s my “humble self.”
Challenge Limiting Beliefs: If you catch yourself thinking like me, "why wouldn’t I try to make the most of this opportunity because it may not come back” challenge this belief by asking yourself, "Why do I believe I won’t get this opportunity again? What would happen if I just let this be something I use to connect with my son?" This can help you see that it's okay to singularly focus your attention on one need and in this case its connection with my oldest baby.
Embrace Your Uniqueness: STOP SCROLLING! Instead of comparing yourself to others who seem to have it all together, focus on what makes you unique and valuable. Embrace your ability to juggle multiple priorities and celebrate the skills and strengths that allow you to do so, and in the way YOU do it.
Set Boundaries: Throwing this in there because who doesn’t need this reminder? Practice saying no to activities or commitments that don't align with your priorities. For example, if volunteering for an event will stretch you too thin, politely decline and explain that you need to prioritize your family or work commitments.
Seek Support and Community: Connect with other working parents who understand the challenges you face. Learn from them and what boxes they have conformed themselves to fit into. Joining a support group or online community can provide encouragement, advice, and a sense of belonging, helping you stay true to yourself amidst your many responsibilities.
It’s critical to secure the pursuit of individuality and to harness all the beauty that comes with individual journeys. Fitting into a box" symbolizes conforming to societal expectations and norms, often at the expense of one's authenticity and individuality. It's a metaphor for the pressure to mold ourselves into predetermined roles and identities, stifling our true essence. However, breaking free from this confinement allows us to embrace our uniqueness, celebrate our differences, and live authentically. By rejecting the notion of fitting into a box, we can pursue paths that align with our values and aspirations, leading to a more fulfilling and genuine life!
It feels like this is a good place to remind you that there is not one other person in this world that is you and we need your individual journey to prevail.
What box have you found yourself in lately?
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